I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
