I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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