Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
