I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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