I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
