so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
