Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
