My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found puke in my bra..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
