The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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