Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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