I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
