He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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