Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
