I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
