It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
