bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
