Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
