There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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