party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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