found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
