I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
