I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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