Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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