Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
