you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
