This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
