Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
