woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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