Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
