Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
