Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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