i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
