Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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