you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
