Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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