Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
