I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
