This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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