where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
