and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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