Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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