i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
