so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
