I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
