office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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