i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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