I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
