and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
