You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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