I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
