So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
