my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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