I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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