Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
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My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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