Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
