I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
