Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
