never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
