No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
