I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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