worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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