I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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