Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
