just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
