here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
PANTIES FOUND
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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