if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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