And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
