you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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