we made out on top of his cat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize