i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
