Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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